Marriage Tip #20

"You always do that!"

"You never do this for me."

"Why do you always have to do that?"

I'm sure that we have heard and said any number of these phrases in our lifetime. I know that I have caught myself with these words rolling of my tongue before. In marriage, they can be extremely damaging. Unfortunately, I have said these words in other relationships, and found them trying to escape off my tongue a few times in marriage too.

A while back I was taking a class that talked about how to conflict well. There were certain rules that they laid out on how to "fight fair" and one thing that has stuck with me since then is that you need to remove the words "always" and "never" completely from your vocabulary in conflict and when confronting others with issues.

That is for very good reason, and because of that, it is my tip to you today as well. Whether you are married or not, we are all in relationships with other people. Our parents, peers, co-workers, spouses, we are surrounded by relationships. And it is inevitable that we will experience conflict in these relationships. How we handle it and what we say is huge, and in marriage, it is so crucial to pay attention to what we are saying.

Zach and I agreed early on that we wanted to keep "always" and "never" from our vocabulary when in conflict and when approaching each other about an issue. Zach does an amazing job of staying true to this, and I know that I am sorry to say that I have found these words escaping from my mouth a few times. Nothing ever detrimentally damaging, but I knew the instant I said it that I shouldn't have.

For one, always and never are strong words. And using them to address an issue paints a picture that just isn't true. For example "oh you ALWAYS do this and it's so annoying!" Well, be honest with yourself. Do they ALWAYS do it? No. Another example "you NEVER do this anymore." Really? NEVER? I think you get the picture that we exaggerate a little bit in our frustrations and emotions and pull out the "big guns" with these words.

In the class that I first learned about these "rules" they gave suggestions for what to do so that you do not use "always" and "never." First was to use the specific example. Explain your heart and how a particular situation made you feel. Don't group everything together. Give the specific situation so that you can both work through it together.

Some other suggestions that I have found to be helpful? Think before you speak. Much easier said than done, but it is vital. Slow down, take a breath. Take stock. Ask yourself what is really happening and what you are really feeling. What is the real issue? Chances are it's not the measly little thing that happened, but a deeper root. Be willing to be vulnerable and truly share your heart in a non threatening way.

In marriage, we are both imperfect people coming together. The Lord gives us so much grace, and we need to extend that to one another. Myself included in this! I have so much work to do on this area. Have patience for one another and be willing to be honest. Share your heart.

And another huge suggestion? Pray together. So many flaming arrows from the enemy can be extinguished when you come together and pray. Lay it all down before the Lord and come together in unity with him. Marriage is such a scared and special covenant, and the Enemy would like nothing more than to tear that apart. So, we must be watchful, and pray continuously!

What is your experience with the words "always" and "never?" Do you ever struggle with this too? What are ways that you try to conflict well with your spouse so you can resolve an issue and love each other the best you can?

Marriage Tip #18

Marriage is such a wonderful adventure. Zach and I have been married almost a year and a half now, and we are by no means experts at all. But we have a passion for each other, a passion for marriage, and a desire to see God glorified in our marriage. I love getting to share little things that work for us with you.

Each of us is different, and what jives and works for us might not for you, and that is one hundred percent okay! But these tips are here to share some things that are working for us and give you creative ideas that you can try in your own marriage.

Today's tip comes from something that Zach and I started doing together recently, and that is reading scripture out loud, together.
Starting off we had a goal of each memorizing a verse a week, and we did it for a little while but it became hard to keep up with. We want to get better at it, and we want to be in the scripture together, so we decided to read through it together!

Right now we have started off in Psalms, and we each read two chapters aloud every morning, so four chapters in all per day right now. We read through our chapters and talk about what stood out to us and how it applies to us right now, and what God might be showing us.

It is a simple thing, and generally we do it at breakfast time while we are both around the table. But sometimes the simplest things can mean the most, and I know that we have both been enjoying being in the word together.

Zach and I both still have our own quiet time, but this small addition has given us be topics to talk about , new ways to understand how the other things, and a platform to grow together spiritually.

I would definitely recommend giving it a try! The Psalms or Proverbs are a great place to start out, but you can choose whatever you like! Make your goal doable so you stick to it and see the benefits of it for your life.

How about you? What tips do you have about fostering spiritual growth in your Marriage? I would love to hear your tips and insight! 

French Date Night

"Je t'aime Mon chéri."

Or in other words, I love you my sweetheart, in French. I mean, who hasn't dreamt about a romantic week in Paris, the city of lights? Walking down ancient cobblestone treats, sipping cafe au late, eating warm croissants and tasting French wine? I know we have toyed with the idea of flying to Paris for dinner and some romance! 

While we can't always jump on a plane for a romantic date on the whimsical streets of Paris, I will strongly recommend making your own date in Paris...at home! 

I am all about themed date nights. I have been known to come up with some really interesting ones. And a French themed date night is one we have done to some extent before, and I plan on doing another in the near future, so I wanted to share my ideas with y'all, too! 

These are a few different French Date Night themed ideas that you can use! 

The French Outdoor Picnic

With spring in the air and weather getting nicer, it is fun to get outside and pretend you're out in France enjoying a spring day. 

Location: At your home on the lawn with a big blanket, or if you have a patio table, do that up! Or you can go to a nearby park, but be careful if you are having wine (most public places you CAN'T drink at all, plus there's the driving bit).

What you need:
- A picnic blanket, or a table done up with a table cloth
- Classic French foods, bread, cheeses, "small bites" sorts of foods (see below for ideas!)
- Your phone or some sort of device to listen to music on
- Maybe even some fresh flowers to decorate with! (Get creative!)
- Picnic supplies (Plates, silverware, cups, etc)

What to eat: French baguettes, grapes, apples, a few cheeses (one of my favorites is brie), honey, salami or other dried meats, a favorite bottle of wine, and chocolate truffles for dessert. Or, if you have a local place around that makes them, have macaroons! 

What to listen to: A French inspired Pandora station (you can do Spotify as well but I have found Pandora to be better for me personally when listening to this sort of mix station)

What to do: Put the music on, get some fresh flowers, do up your picnic blanket or table and enjoy your food and wine while listening to French music! Set it up together, sit, and take your time enjoying the outdoors together while sharing a meal.

Questions to ask: (Here are some fun questions to get the conversation going too!)
-If you could plan the ultimate Paris vacation (cost no limit), what would you do, what would you see, stay, eat, etc?
-If you could learn one other language, what would it be and why?
-If you could travel anywhere in the states for an ultimate vacation, where would it be and why?
-What was the one place you always dreamt about going as a kid? Have you ever been there?
-What would be your goal or dream for a realistic adventure for us in the next year that we could do together?

Cook Your Way Through France

Two of my favorite French inspired cooking movies are Ratatouille and Julie and Julia. Ah, classics! Another GREAT one that we watched not long ago is The Hundred Foot Journey. If you have one of Julia Child's cookbooks (which are FANTASTIC), pick out a recipe or two to make together (and if you don't, Google is great!), shop for the ingredients, cook, enjoy and then watch one of those movies to top off the night! 

Location: Your home and your kitchen! (Except when getting your ingredients)

What you need: 

-A few French recipes from a cookbook or google (Julia Child's cookbooks are wonderful!)

-Your ingredients for your recipes (Go out and shop together!)
-Aprons (if you get messy in the kitchen!)
-Candles
-Fresh flowers if you so desire to spruce your table up

-A beautiful set table, complete with candlelight! 

-A French inspired movie (our favorites are Julie and Julia, Ratatouille, and The Hundred Foot Journey)
-French music for the background of your dinner

What to do: Grab your aprons and getting to cooking...together! Taste as you go, and enjoy! Grab some wine or make your own lemonade or a favorite beverage while you cook. Talk and enjoy the process. Set the table, do it up big! It's fun to make everything look beautiful for your time together.
Put on a French inspired station on Pandora, and enjoy your romantic meal together! Then, eat dessert while watching your French movie! You could even top the night off with some cafe au lait (coffee with milk)!

Questions to ask: (Again, some more questions you could ask at dinner to get things going!)
-If you could only have one meal for the rest of your life, what would it be and why?
-What was your favorite meal as a child? What is it now?
-If you could have any chef cook you a top of the line, gourmet dinner, who would cook it for you, and what would you have?
-If you could eat your way through any country in the world, which would it be?
-Where is one place that we can explore together in the near future? 

So, our challenge, try your own French themed date night! Or perhaps another international location. A few great places to find French foods are Trader Joes, Whole Foods, and even check your local farmers markets! 

What is your favorite date night theme? 

Marriage Tip #17

Really, this should be called life tip #17, because whether you are married, or single, this tip applies to you. To all of us. Myself and Zach included.

It is something that has come up recently when Zach and I talk about how we can love each other better and what we can do for our marriage.

The tip?

Unplug.

I have talked about this topic before, but it really is that important and it also has been in our hearts lately so I wanted to share the tip with you, too!

In our culture, everything is at our fingertips, so it seems. In even writing this blog post from my phone. We have more access to knowledge and information than ever before. We have more "connections" than ever before.

But that advantage so often becomes our disadvantage. And it can be damaging on relationships.

You can see it practically everywhere you go. People "multitasking" while on their phone. Go to a restaurant and count how many times you see people looking at their phones while in conversation with someone else.

And I am just as guilty, mind you! Though because I am aware of it, Zach and I are both very intentional about our time together.

Our tip is to take time to unplug. Put your phone away while on a date. In fact, leave it at home. Remember how we used to get along fine without a phone on us when we went out? It is possible.

This week Zach and I are taking a week off of TV and not watching and shows or movies. Just a personal choice, we never watch it excessively, but we want to be intentional about our time together.

Removing the distraction of technology gives way to more creativity together! Explore and adventure together. Discover new things, find things out the old fashioned way. Communicate face to face, eye to eye, heart to heart.

Take a bath together, read a book, build a fire. Go camp for a night or just set up your tent in the backyard. Have an uninterrupted coffee date. Make dinner together.

Technology is not evil by any means. It is a fantastic tool. But we have to be intentional in our lives and especially in our marriages, and make way for intentional, face to face, uninterrupted time for each other.

Will you unplug?

Marriage Tip #16

Let's talk about something for a minute here. Now, I realize that this is a very hot button topic. Very taboo, especially in certain circles. It can be awkward to talk about. But these are some of the reasons that I am passionate about it.

Let's talk about sex.

Yikes. Yup, I said SEX.

It's more than a three letter word, it's more than a one night stand, and it is absolutely more than a physical act. And I wish it was talked about more in the right context and in the right light. I wish the truth was shed on it more.

I heard a fantastic quote, I can't remember where or who said it, but it stuck with me, and it is the topic of our marriage tip tonight. The quote is this...

"Satan tries everything to get you to have sex before marriage, and he tries everything to get you to not have sex when you are married."

Y'all. Let's be real. I could write a book about my feelings on what "sex" is in our culture and how it has been hijacked to mean something totally different. Ask people and many will say that sex is just that...sex. Intercourse. Two people in a physical act. It's really not a big deal, everyone does it.

How has something so beautiful been so marred?

In marriage, sex and INTIMACY have been dumbed down. Sex in marriage has been made to be this boring thing, something that husbands grumble about because their wives are "too tired." Intimacy is overlooked in favor of other distractions. True vulnerability, intimacy and closeness is being lost. And the consequences of that can be huge.

Now we are not going to get into the nitty gritty details here. I believe what happens in the bedroom should stay in the bedroom, because it is a safe place, and that is true for Zach and I's marriage. The bedroom is our place, and our intimacy is sacred and special to us.

But the whole point of this tip is to challenge you to really look at your intimate life with your spouse. Do you find yourself shying away from sex and intimacy? Or do you delight in its joys?

Put a top priority on intimacy with your spouse! This doesn't always mean sex, like I said, intimacy is much more than just the physical aspect of sex, although that is an important key. Intimacy is being open, vulnerable and connected with your spouse, and that can happen through many things, sex included.

When you place a priority on intimacy, that openness creates trust, safety, and connection. Isn't it just the most relieving feeling in the world to be balanced and on the same page with your spouse? That feeling of calm and peace? Intimacy creates that. Intimacy fosters that, grows it, and nurtures that.

Honestly, I really could go on and on on this topic of sex. I could take it a thousand different topical directions. But the bottom line is that sex and intimacy in marriage is absolutely vital. Find a way to make it a priority in your marriage and protect that time. It's not something dirty or to be hidden in the dark, or a chore to be checked off and completed. God created it to be a sacred and special time for a husband and wife to connect and be one. One in body, heart, spirit and life.

Don't wait for a time to present itself. Make time.

How do you protect intimate time with your spouse? Brainstorm some ways you can put boundaries around the time you have together and guard that time jealously!

Marriage Tip #15

Date night. Dinner and a movie. Five star restaurant. Drive in movie. A round of putt putt golf. A picnic in the park. Romantic candle light dinner. All of these ideas are some pretty standard date night ideas, and ones that I love, in fact! Honestly, the more ideas, the better. You can get so creative when it comes to date night.

But today, my tip is going to challenge you to get out of the date night box. I'm calling you to date DAY. And more specific, a romantic breakfast date. Yes, breakfast.

Our marriage tip for today is to plan a breakfast date with your spouse, and if you have time, make it a whole date day.

Zach and I have actually done a lot of breakfast dates over the course of our dating, engagement and marriage. We especially had a lot during our early dating days because we were about an hour and a half apart, and met in the middle of Atlanta for breakfast more than a few times. It also helps that my honey absolutely loves breakfast foods (pancakes in particular) so convincing him to go on a breakfast date it pretty easy.

But, if you have never tried to have a breakfast date with your spouse, or a date day, I challenge you to break out of the box of date night and switch things up. Great things happen when you get out of your normal routine and try something new, and who knows, maybe this is the spark that ignites something great and begins a new tradition for you.

I mean really, how fantastic is it to start the day on the right foot with your spouse? Starting the day over a long conversation over morning coffee, lingering over a tasty bowl of oatmeal, or a warm plate of bacon and eggs, or a towering stack of pancakes? There is so much creativity that can happen even within breakfast.

If you don't want to cook it yourself, go out to a fun breakfast place nearby! Discover a whole new breakfast restaurant you haven't tried, or visit an old favorite. If you do enjoy cooking (And we do) it is also a lot of fun to cook breakfast together!

Zach and I have even gone on an early morning shopping trip together to get some ingredients and then come back and prepare breakfast while listening to some fun jazz and just relaxing together. Seriously, there is so much greatness that can happen over a breakfast table, particularly if you have time to linger together.

So, my challenge to you is this....plan and have a breakfast date with your spouse! Decide if you will go out for breakfast, or if you will stay in and make a special breakfast together! You could even have breakfast in bed and read a book together or watch your favorite show after breakfast. Personally my favorite is at the kitchen table, but there is so much creativity to be had.

Who else has experienced the amazingness of a breakfast date before? What's your favorite date DAY activity?

Marriage Tip #14

Opening up a book is like escaping to another world. Adventure awaits, learning is there for the taking, knowledge seeping through words printed on a page. In a culture that loves its iPads, iPhones, tablets, Nooks, eReaders and whatever else is out there, I still much prefer the physical book. Whether you prefer your books in electronic form, or love to sniff and hold a physical book like I do, my marriage tip for today is this...

Read together.

And dare I suggest...out loud?

This is something that Zach and I started doing not long ago, but it is something that I have really come to truly enjoy. It gets you out of your comfort zone a little bit, because I feel like not that many people read out loud any more. If you do, extra kudos to you!

Pick a book, really it can be any book! It could be fiction, non fiction, a series you both love, or something new that you want to learn. Your options are endless!

Right now Zach and I are reading through a book about intimacy in marriage, and I love it. I love learning with my husband, and talking about it. We don't read every night, but try to read often before bed.

It is a great way to wind down from the day together, cuddle, and enjoy time with each other. It is a simple thing, but you might be surprised at what it does! Sometimes those simple little things can mean the most, especially when done intentionally and consistently.

So, grab a book and start reading together! Take turns, open up, and move forward together in a new adventure.

Do you read out loud with your spouse? What are some of your favorite books?

Spring Date Ideas

April showers bring May flowers. Or in this case, I am really hoping that these March showers will bring April flowers! Regardless of when the flowers come, the coming of spring means a whole new world of opportunity to get out and date your mate!

Oh yes, indeed it does. The world will soon be in blossom, and after being cooped up during cold winter months, you are definitely going to want to try some of these date ideas with your spouse or significant other!

These dates don't have to cost a lot, and that is the beauty of it. Finding intentional time to get creative and have fun with your spouse is what is important! Celebrate life with them this spring!

Here are our top ten spring date ideas to get out and have some fun!

1. Grown up Easter egg hunt! Have your own Easter egg hunt...grown up style! Who says kids get to have all the fun? Get a bag of empty Easter eggs, and divide them between the two of you. You can fill them however you want! Big or small, you get creative! You can do their favorite candy, a personal coupon they can redeem, a gift card (if you have a bigger budget), LOVR notes....anything! Hide them outside or around the house and have fun!

2. Scavenger hunt! Use those eggs again for good purpose! Have a fun scavenger hunt. Again, could be around the house, or outside! Fill your Easter eggs with the clues, and lead it to a fun surprise!

3. Go have a picnic! This is the perfect time of year to have a picnic before the bugs and heat come out in full force. Go to your favorite park and have a bite to eat together!

4. Play a game outside! This could be a board game or an actual outdoor game. But there is something so fun about getting out in the fresh air and playing! Zach and I have gone to a local state park and brought a board game and just played on a picnic table. So fun!

5. Take a day hike together. Look online to find what state or national parks may be near you! They are usually very reasonably and cheaply priced to get into for the day. Fill up your water bottles, bring some snacks and hit the trails! Discover s new Area together!

6. Have a "wine and cheese" picnic. Now this you have to be careful with if you use actual wine and if you are outside your own home. Most parks prohibit open containers of any alcohol. But you could do this in your own backyard with wine, or get sparkling wine and go to a park. But go to yourblocsl grocery store, pick out a few fun cheeses to try, some crusty bread, fruit, nuts and maybe a jam, and have a very fun and sophisticated picnic together!

7. Go camping! If you don't have the time or location to fully camp for one or two nights, consider breaking out your tent in your own backyard! Make some s'mores and camp food fare and have fun. This is the perfect time of year to break out the tents.

8. Have dinner by candlelight on your patio. One of my favorite memories as a kid were the nights that we got to eat dinner out on our porch. It's a blast to change up the scenery and enjoy each others company over dinner in the delightful spring air! Don't forget the candles, and remember that Pandora and Spotify have some great playlists to accompany as well! Our most recent favorite: New Orleans Jazz!

9. Paint Easter eggs. Well, you've already hidden the plastic ones, time to hard boil some eggs, buy a dye kit, and paint Easter eggs! It may seems silly, but these fun activities get us out of the normal routine and let us have fun together. Talk about your Easter traditions as a child!

10. Take a day trip to somewhere you haven't been before, and walk around and explore. Don't plan anything except where you are going. Grab your map to get there, and just explore a new place together! Walk around, enjoy the sunshine and find unique places to come back to.

There you have, ten super fun, cheap date night ideas that you can use this spring! Take advantage of this glorious weather, get outside and have fun with each other. It is not all about what you do, but being with your spouse and spending that intentional time with them. Showing them you care by being present and enjoying life with them!

What is your favorite date idea for spring?

Marriage Tip #13

Ephesians 4:25-27New International Version (NIV)

25 Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body. 26 “In your anger do not sin”[a]: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold.

We have all heard it a thousand times before, whether we are married or not. Don't let the sun go down on your anger. I think in our marriage advice book, that was probably one of the more common pieces of advice. 

And there is a reason for that, and a reason why this is the topic of our marriage tip today. 

When you bring two imperfect, sinful people into a relationship of one, under one roof, and in covenant, you are guaranteed conflict. That is a fact of life (married or not) that you will inevitably face conflict with those you are close to. 

The key lies in how we handle that conflict, how we manage our anger, and how we work to resolve conflict. Conflict in and of itself is not a bad thing. It is the way we handle it. And this is a lesson I began learning even before I was married. 

In our short experience of marriage, Zach and I have realized just how crucial communication and honesty is. Of course we always know that, but we always strive to practice that in our marriage, and that plays into how we handle conflict. 

I agree that we should not let the sun go down on our anger. Honestly, there are little worse feelings to me in the world than going to bed angry with the one I love most. Thankfully Zach and I have not really had it happen, but we have definitely stayed up late at times to talk through issues at hand that need to be addressed. 

Of course, it may not always be the hard and fast rule. At times, we must take into account whether or not we are in a place where we can respond instead of react. We must keep in mind the ones we love and be willing to listen. 

I think the key is to not use it as an "out" or an excuse to NOT address or or talk about it. In marriage, you have to address hard things together, and it is better to take care of it sooner instead of letting anger, sadness, hurt and emotion build up slowly over time. 

So in short, the marriage tip today is to not let the sun go down on your anger. Be open and honest with your spouse. Even if that looks like telling them that you would like to talk on the morning. Give yourself the 24 hour rule to address it. Take time to pray, separately and together, and take time to respond to the situation instead of reacting.

What is your take on it? What works for you and your spouse?

The Inn at Christmas Place

Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring not even a mouse.

Snow was falling softly, but quickly from the darkened night sky above. Sounds were muffled from the streets below as people hurried home to their warm beds. An orange glow filled the night sky, and everything was peaceful. Inside, a Christmas movie playing, and Christmas lights blinking. It was peaceful, and magical.

It would sound like Christmas was here, but in fact, this scene was set last week, in February. Zach and I found ourselves completely in raptures during our adventure to a new to us town, Pigeon Forge, Tennessee. Our destination, the Inn at Christmas Place. Where the spirit of Christmas is held all year round!

For those of you who know us, you know we love Christmas. It is our absolute most favorite time of year. We may have put up our tree right after Halloween last year. And we got married around Christmas! It is a special time of year that we love to spend time with friends and family and spread joy and cheer.

So when we found out about the Inn at Christmas Place, we knew we had to visit. And finally, our time came to have a weekend getaway at the Inn! We booked our two nights, and drove up early (read er arrived at 3am) to Pigeon Forge because we knew snow was coming the next day.

The Inn at Christmas Place was everything we expected and so much more. From first glance to when we drove off, it was an exceptional experience, and I just had to share it with you all!

Christmas Place is a beautiful hotel, and reminds me of a Bavarian building, all decked out in Christmas lights, wreaths, garlands and bows. And of course, it was even more picturesque because snow was on the roof and ground!

The customer service at the Inn is second to none. When we walked in, we were greeted by some really friendly doormen, and then checked in to our room. We were even given some ornaments since it was our first time at the Inn! We were also informed at every night they put out fresh, homemade cookies for free for the guests. Yes, please!

Walking through the hotel to our room we were taking in every detail. Christmas paintings and art, every floor with a themed center desk at the opening of the elevator, there is even a Charlie Brown Christmas themed area playing the movie all day long!

If we thought everything was amazing to that point, our breath was taken away opening the door to our room. We had a mini kitchen area, cabinets, a spacious, clean bathroom with granite countertops. The beds were decked with a lucious red cover and fluffly white pillows. The TV armiorre was topped with a mino Christmas tree, and the walls adorned with winter paintings.

We were blown away. Never have I ever been to such a unique and special hotel!

Our stay only continued to get better as we took morning dips in the pool and hot tub. We also watched the snow fall from the indoor hot tub! We definitely enjoyed our nightly cookies, an incredible hot breakfast included in the mornings, and to top it all off, time with singing Santa on Thursday night!

If you love Christmas, and especially if you love near Tennessee, the Inn at Christmas place is absolutely worth your visit. The customer service that we received alone was well worth our stay. In our culture these days, you don't always find such great service. But the Inn went the extra mile to make sure our stay was incredible, and boy was it!

We will absolutely be back to visit the Inn at Christmas Place.

Some fun places to visit around the Inn:
-The Christmas Place store! Across from the Inn is a huge, amazing Christmas store! Well worth the visit, even if just to look.
-The Old Mill- a working mill from the 1800's, complete with fun country store and restaurant! Very picturesque.
-The Island- an upbeat section of town with some arcades and even a ferris wheel!
-Smokey Mountain National Park is less than ten miles away! A beautiful place for sure.
-Blue Moose Burger and Wings. Zach and I ate here and it was so good! A sports bar and grill feel, but they have some incredible burgers!

Pigeon Forge itself has lots of dinner and theater shows, Dollywood, and lots of fun seasonal outdoor race tracks, putt putt places, and the like!

So if you are near the area and looking for a fun quick getaway, Zach and I can highly recommend the Inn at Christmas Place!

Who else loves Christmas? 

Marriage Tip #12

Life is pretty busy. Schedules, appointments, jobs, commitments, social lives. Most importantly (and sometimes most forgotten about) is relationships. In our culture we have done a lot of forfeiting actual face to face quality time for screen time.

It may take intentional planning and carving out time from your calendar, but face to face time, especially with your spouse, is crucial.

So my next marriage tip...plan a "weekend getaway."

Now, before you dismiss the idea all together because the mere thought of clearing your calendar for that seems impossible, let me challenge you for a second. That very reason is exactly why you SHOULD have a weekend getaway.

When life gets too busy to set aside intentional time together, some priorities need to be re-shifted and new plans need to take place. I read recently that "one of the best gifts you can give your children is having an awesome marriage." And while I do not yet have children, this rings so true.

And to foster that marriage relationship, intentional time needs to be spent on it. One easy way to get refocused is taking a weekend getaway. It doesn't have to be elaborate, you honestly don't even have to leave town. The point is creating time for just you and your spouse and getting outside of your normal routine.

Here are some great ways that you can plan your weekend getaway at any budget.

$$$$ - If you have some extra money saved up, or want to save up, use that money to get out of town and fly somewhere you have never been before. Take a day and explore a new place together and have fun! It could be a night in NYC, or another big city. Find a city that has great public transportation to and from the airport and you don't have to worry about a car! Also, check out Groupon or Living Social for Flash getaway deals!

$$$ - Drive to a near by place you may or may not have ever been to. Book a hotel for a night or two, and just be together. See a local sight, try a local restaurant and make new memories together. Take a map and see what is within 3-5 hours of driving and plan a two night get away to explore!

$$ - Find an awesome deal on a local hotel! Priceline has a great "name your own price tool" where you might score a fancy hotel for cheap. Or again, check out Groupon and Living Social for deals in your area! Stay the night in a new area of town, dress up and go out to a fancy dinner. This is a great way to get away even for one night, and doesn't cost a lot!

$ - Here is a low cost option too! Have a "stay-cation" getaway. The key with this is making sure that you have other arrangements if you have kiddos. Clean up the house, get some bubble bath, maybe even new sheets or something fun to jazz up the room. Change things up at home! Go out for a fancy dinner, or cook together at home!

Whatever your budget and time frame looks like, be intentional and set a weekend getaway with your spouse! Take time to be together and spend quality face to face time with one another!

What has been your favorite weekend getaway with your spouse? What made it so special?

Creative Valentine's Date Ideas

Every year Valentine's day comes with more filly cards, more hearts, and more candy than I remember from the year before. Seriously, how did this holiday get so big that it's put out literally the week after Christmas? I'm not sure. But, here we are, less than a week away from the holiday of love.

One thing you must know about me is I love to celebrate. I love cooking dinners for special occasions, getting dressed up for no reason, making home made gifts, and creating fun events to celebrate the people I love. But the way that Valentine's Day is traditionally run, does not get my creative motor running.

Sure, flowers are beautiful. Candy is nice. Chocolate, even better.

But seriously, that's all we can think of to celebrate love? Buy flowers and candy and go out to dinner at way too overcrowded restaurants and come home exhausted? That's not particularly my idea of a night of a fun celebration of love.

So, I'm sharing some ideas that I think would be fabulous Valentine's Day dates that get out of the box and let you have some great fun together. Of course you can go the traditional route, and that's fine, but here are some ideas to get your creative juices flowing!

1. Valentine's Day Scavenger Hunt. Whether you, your honey, or both of you plan one for each other, think of a Valentine's Day scavenger hunt you can do together! Have it take you to some places that mean a lot to you, or you can even do it around your house and have it lead to your present for your special honey. Make a day of it and have fun!

2. Cook a gourmet dinner together. This is a lot of fun. Seriously. Grab a recipe you both want to try, go out and shop for the freshest ingredients together, grab a bottle of wine, some candles, and go home and get to cooking! Put on your aprons, cook, and then go get fancied up and set up a candle light dinner and enjoy your creation!

3. Valentine's Game Day. No, I don't mean football. Get your favorite board game or card game, or pick up a fun new one together. Turn up the heat and set some stakes for the one who wins! You could also get some ingredients to cook your own personal pizzas to have during your game day!

4. Have a Valentine's Day on a different day. This is actually what Zach and I are doing, because he works on actual Valentine's day! The perks to this, things are less crowded, and you get better prices! You could even have a mid week Valentine's Day this year, and grab a room at a hotel for the night, order room service, and just be with each other! Check Groupon for local last minute deals, too!

5. Instead of trinkets for gifts, write each other love letters. This is also something we are doing this year. We are both writing each other love letters! Words of affirmation are both in our top love language, so those written words are cherished forever and mean so much. You could give them to each other over your home made dinner!

6. Chopped Inspired Dinner Date.  Also another thing Zach and I are doing! Inspired by the TV show Chopped, we are creating our four course dinner together, but with a fun flair. Zach is picking out ingredients for me to create an appetizer, and I am picking out ingredients for him to create dessert! We have a set dinner menu, and a cheese board before, but it's time to get creative for the appetizer and dessert!

7. Breakfast in Bed Valentine's Day.  Start off your Valentine's with a bang. Go all out for breakfast and prepare breakfast in bed either together, or for your honey. Do the works! French toast, bacon, sausage, eggs, biscuits, eggs benedict, whatever you like! Bring it in on a tray for the two of you to share, and you could even snuggle in bed and watch a movie in the morning after you enjoy breakfast!

8. Valentine's Camping. Now hear me out, because some of you may live in a cold place! But if you have a small enough tent, set it up in your living room (or your bedroom if you have kids), or make your own blanket fort. Deck it out with twinkling Christmas lights for ambiance, put down an air mattress or lots of blankets and sleeping bags. If you have a fire place, cook s'mores! Just have fun and be together.

There you have it, eight simple, low cost ways to dazzle your special someone for Valentine's Day. Just because everyone else is doing flowers and candy doesn't mean you can't think outside the box! Get out of your routine, shake things up and have some fun this year and actually celebrate love and the one you love instead of going through the motions.

What's been one creative Valentine's Day date you have seen? I always love new ideas!

Marriage Tip #11

I know that I just had a blog post with a marriage tip, but after some quiet time this morning my heart was just so on fire with this topic that I had to share it with you! This tip specifically goes out to my fellow wives out there, but it can be a learning point for you husbands, as well.

This marriage tip comes from a passage in the Bible, Ephesians 5:33, to be exact.

"Neverthless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband."

This is a powerful passage in the Bible, and Ephesians 5 packs some punches and doesn't mince words. This passage and concept is absolutely under fire in our culture today. Our view of the definition of "love" and "submit" and "respect" has become incredibly skewed, marred, and tainted by the dark negativity of the world.

A lot of people look at this passage and cringe, thinking that it means women are "less than" men. That is a whole other topic that I won't get into today, but I will say that that is not what this passage is saying. I am well aware of the brokenness of so many relationships these days where women are treated less than, abused and not loved. But today I want to focus on one key point this passage makes, because it is something that I personally am learning and growing in.

My tip is this...wives, respect your husband.

Now, I really encourage you to read the whole passage of Ephesians 5, because you will see that it is filled with so much goodness. It talks about the roles of husbands and wives, equal, with different roles, as God intended it because he created us differently.

In several marriage talks I have heard, a main theme is that women crave love from men, and men crave respect for women. This speaks to the fact that God created us differently. Our drive and motivation is different, and that is not a bad thing, it's just different, and we both have to meet each other in the middle.

Men are called to love their wives, wives are called to respect their husbands. Because God knows the deepest desires of our hearts, especially in relationship.

Now, here's my take on it and what I'm personally learning, and a little bit of vulnerability!

I absolutely respect Zach, with all of my heart. And I try to verbally remind him of that often. Because I do. I think he is an incredible man, full of integrity, he loves me, and he honors the Lord, among thousands of other qualities that make him who he is.

What God convicted me of today, is that sometimes my actions do not line up with or show that respect. And even though my heart is in the right place, my actions are being disrespectful of Zach and who he is.

Some things I wrote when this came to mind:

"Respect the way Zach does things, even if it is not how I would do it."
"Respect his way of processing."
"Respect how he drives, and know that his motivation is always to keep me safe."
"Respect the time he needs for himself."

Just a few simple things, but they hit me in profound ways. I'll let you in on a little insight, a lot of our disagreements happen when we are tackling a project together, or when we are driving together. That's where the first three convictions came from.

I am a classic backseat driver, unfortunately. I'm not sure why I even am like that, but regrettably, I am. Thankfully, I have gotten a lot better than I was at first, but those moments still come up and I have to ask forgiveness a lot for back seat driving.

And when we try to handle a task together, like filling out paper, grocery shop, or put something together, we both have different methods of how we would do that. And, you guessed it, that can cause us to butt heads sometimes, and I know that I have had to apologize for that a lot as well.

It boils down to one thing, just like how we do things differently, or process differently. We are two separate people, coming into a relationship as one. We both process differently (I am a verbal processor, he is an internal processor). I am very details oriented, and he is big picture oriented. So when we say work on a project together, or a task, we may have different approaches. And sometimes, I try to hammer my point home to be "right."

Wow. I know that I am not the only one who does this out there. I think as women, a lot of us may struggle with that because it's control, and giving up control can be difficult.

But, it has been put on my heart that I need to show my respect by respecting that fact that Zach and allow that to be okay. To surrender control, and know that Zach has my best interests in mind, because he is also submitting to the Lord.

So, my challenge to you wives out there. Look in your heart and examine what ways your actions may not be showing respect to your husband. They may be subtle things that don't outright scream "disrespect." And husbands and wives, I challenge you to lovingly have a conversation on respect. Husbands, how do you feel respect, and when do you feel disrespected? Also, ask your wives how you can love her better!

Marriage Tip #10

Life can be full of ups and downs. Highs and lows, good days and hard days. That applies to marriage as well! There are days where things are awesome- you communicate well, you're really feeling it, and it's a good day. And then there are days that are hard- miscommunication happens, you snap at each other, and it's just a hard day. 

One key that we have found that helps us through the good and the hard days is something simple, yet incredibly powerful. Prayer.

Since Zach and I started dating, we made prayer together a priority. When we were dating, it was usually before we went our separate ways for the day or the night. After we got married, we made it a habit to pray together before we went to bed every night. We also ask each other regularly how we can be praying for each other throughout the day while we are at work. 

Something that I am incredibly thankful for in Zach is his intentionality with prayer when we are experiencing conflict or miscommunication. He has been such a great positive force in our marriage for leading us in prayer during those difficult times. 

The days where we just feel "blah," or we feel off, or we are experiencing miscommunication or frustration, we bring it before the Lord and lay it at his feet. I can tell you that it is incredibly freeing. It brings such a great amount of peace, and resolution. It helps us start over and get off on the right foot, no matter what had happened before that point.

I can't tell you how many times we're sitting on the couch, or in the car, and I'm just in tears, frustrated at myself, and Zach leads us in prayer, and the peace just covers us completely. It helps us lay down our burdens, and realize that we are not fighting each other, we need to fight for each other and fight against the enemy. 

When we join together in prayer, it's a powerful force.

I want to encourage you, whether you are married or not, when you are feeling frustrations, if you are experiencing miscommunication, or just having a hard day, bring it to the Lord. If you are married, humble yourself and bring it to the Lord together. 

Start off with something simple, ask your spouse what you can pray for them for during the day. Send them a text and let them know you are praying for them. 

Then make it a goal to try and pray together, maybe it works best for you in the morning before you both leave for work for the day, or maybe it works best for you at night, like with Zach and I and you want to close out the day in prayer together.

Whatever the case, I challenge you to get out of your comfort zone and ask your spouse how you can pray for them today! 

How do you and your spouse connect through prayer? 

Marriage Tip #9

Our culture is inundated with technology. TVs, computers, laptops, iPads, iPhones, iTouches, cell phones, smart phones, the list goes on and on and on. They even have little computer screen tablets at some restaurants now. The pace our culture has on being consumed with technology is dizzying sometimes.

My ninth marriage tip is to take intentional time away from technology together. That's right...unplug. On purpose.

This has been inspired in part by that experience at a restaurant with tablets at each table. It seems innocent enough, you could order food, look at the menu. Honestly I was sort of confused by it because I wasn't sure if we were supposed to order from that or wait for our waitress. But what made me more concerned was when I glanced around the restaurant.

There were other couples, families and groups of people huddled around, you guessed it, the tablet. Or one would be on the tablet, the other on a phone. Basically everyone had their eyes on a screen. So Zach and I turned out screen around and put it to the other end of the table and had our own face to face conversation and dinner.

While I use technology and love the convenience and connection it offers, I also recognize that being constantly glued to a screen is not good for your real life relationships, especially with your spouse. Zach and I try to have intentional time where we do not have our cell phones on us. They are in another room, on silent, turned upside down. Or sometimes we will just leave our cell phones at home when we are going out on a date (I know, what?! How do we survive??)

It may seem awkward at first if you're not used to being without your phone. Or feel like you are missing something. You may get "FOMO," or, "Fear Of Missing Out." That is the first clue that there's an imbalance. Face to face quality time with our spouse should not be that way. It should be life giving, fun, and make us grow.

You can decide what sort of frequency is good for you. You might start out with once a month, or maybe turning the phones off on your date, or once a week having a morning with no screens. The important thing is to intentionally set aside the time for it.

Hear me right, I am not saying that technology is evil. I use it every single day. I am using it to write this blog, I use it as a platform to inspire and encourage others, I use it to make new friends and connect to people, and I use it for my business.

But if there's one thing I learn over and over is that there is a proper time and place for it, and there is a proper time and place for there to be a break from it. It encourages you to get out of your shell, communicate face to face, and grow. It can deepen your connection with your spouse, and maybe you'll find something new you both love doing together!

So, set a time, ditch the screens, and find something fun to do together! Trust me, there's lots of fun to be had as a married couple. Just think on it a little bit!

Do you currently have any time that you and your spouse unplug from technology? What works for you? 

Marriage Tip #8

Marriage and Money. Two very strong "M" words that I know I have shared on before, but they are so powerful that they are definitely worth revisiting. Zach and I are in the process of going through Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University, which if you haven't heard of it, or done it, I highly recommend, even if you are in a good place financially.

Therefore, my eighth marriage tip is centered around marriage and money. Get yourself on a budget, even if it's only for a little time.

We have learned so many things by doing this program together. It's allowed us to realize we are not the only ones who have a "spender" and a "saver" in the relationship, and that in fact, that's usually how it goes, and we balance each other out.

We have learned practical ways to save money, start paying off our debt, and how to communicate about our finances in a way that makes sense to both of us. We play off each other's strengths. For example, I love details and spreadsheets, and I happen to be the planner, and the "saver" mentality. For me, doing the budget every month and tracking it in a spreadsheet is fun. Yes, I'm a nerd.

One really practical thing that we have learned, implemented and found incredibly helpful to our marriage is using the "envelope" system. I'm sure that even if you haven't heard of Dave Ramsey, you might have a general idea of what the envelope system is. 

The truth that we have learned is that cash does in fact hurt more to spend than swiping a card. It makes you pause and think through your decisions together more. So Zach and I decided last fall to start using the envelope system for certain categories of our spending.

We use it for things like our tithing and saving, for gas money, groceries (this is probably the biggest area that helps reduce excess spending that you might not even know you're doing), saving for certain payments, and saving for certain other things throughout the year.

Honestly, I was excited to see how it worked in our marriage, but hesitant, too. From what I have heard over the years and from many other married couples is that finances can be a huge stressor on marriage if you don't come into agreement and communicate about it.

Being able to have a budget, come together and discuss your common financial goals and ideas, put it down on paper and literally see your cash going to those certain places is very relieving and very freeing. You would think that it might tighten things up, but it's the exact opposite. It has freed up our cash flow, and we are telling our money where to go, instead of wondering where it all went at the end of the month.

If you haven't ever tried a budget, there are so many tools online that can guide you and help you. If you want specifically to know about the envelope system, I believe you can even look up some tools through Dave Ramsey's website, or you can contact me and ask me some questions as well.

The biggest thing is to get on the same page as your spouse about money. Even if things are tight, by communicating and working together through the financial issues, you open the doors for more grace and teamwork, instead of becoming divided and defensive. Take a little bit of time this week, get outside your comfort zone and have a conversation with your spouse about finances and open that communication up!

What about you? Do you already have a budget in place with your spouse? What methods have you found have helped you with marriage and finances? I would love to hear from you!