Marriage Tip #17

Really, this should be called life tip #17, because whether you are married, or single, this tip applies to you. To all of us. Myself and Zach included.

It is something that has come up recently when Zach and I talk about how we can love each other better and what we can do for our marriage.

The tip?

Unplug.

I have talked about this topic before, but it really is that important and it also has been in our hearts lately so I wanted to share the tip with you, too!

In our culture, everything is at our fingertips, so it seems. In even writing this blog post from my phone. We have more access to knowledge and information than ever before. We have more "connections" than ever before.

But that advantage so often becomes our disadvantage. And it can be damaging on relationships.

You can see it practically everywhere you go. People "multitasking" while on their phone. Go to a restaurant and count how many times you see people looking at their phones while in conversation with someone else.

And I am just as guilty, mind you! Though because I am aware of it, Zach and I are both very intentional about our time together.

Our tip is to take time to unplug. Put your phone away while on a date. In fact, leave it at home. Remember how we used to get along fine without a phone on us when we went out? It is possible.

This week Zach and I are taking a week off of TV and not watching and shows or movies. Just a personal choice, we never watch it excessively, but we want to be intentional about our time together.

Removing the distraction of technology gives way to more creativity together! Explore and adventure together. Discover new things, find things out the old fashioned way. Communicate face to face, eye to eye, heart to heart.

Take a bath together, read a book, build a fire. Go camp for a night or just set up your tent in the backyard. Have an uninterrupted coffee date. Make dinner together.

Technology is not evil by any means. It is a fantastic tool. But we have to be intentional in our lives and especially in our marriages, and make way for intentional, face to face, uninterrupted time for each other.

Will you unplug?

Marriage Tip #9

Our culture is inundated with technology. TVs, computers, laptops, iPads, iPhones, iTouches, cell phones, smart phones, the list goes on and on and on. They even have little computer screen tablets at some restaurants now. The pace our culture has on being consumed with technology is dizzying sometimes.

My ninth marriage tip is to take intentional time away from technology together. That's right...unplug. On purpose.

This has been inspired in part by that experience at a restaurant with tablets at each table. It seems innocent enough, you could order food, look at the menu. Honestly I was sort of confused by it because I wasn't sure if we were supposed to order from that or wait for our waitress. But what made me more concerned was when I glanced around the restaurant.

There were other couples, families and groups of people huddled around, you guessed it, the tablet. Or one would be on the tablet, the other on a phone. Basically everyone had their eyes on a screen. So Zach and I turned out screen around and put it to the other end of the table and had our own face to face conversation and dinner.

While I use technology and love the convenience and connection it offers, I also recognize that being constantly glued to a screen is not good for your real life relationships, especially with your spouse. Zach and I try to have intentional time where we do not have our cell phones on us. They are in another room, on silent, turned upside down. Or sometimes we will just leave our cell phones at home when we are going out on a date (I know, what?! How do we survive??)

It may seem awkward at first if you're not used to being without your phone. Or feel like you are missing something. You may get "FOMO," or, "Fear Of Missing Out." That is the first clue that there's an imbalance. Face to face quality time with our spouse should not be that way. It should be life giving, fun, and make us grow.

You can decide what sort of frequency is good for you. You might start out with once a month, or maybe turning the phones off on your date, or once a week having a morning with no screens. The important thing is to intentionally set aside the time for it.

Hear me right, I am not saying that technology is evil. I use it every single day. I am using it to write this blog, I use it as a platform to inspire and encourage others, I use it to make new friends and connect to people, and I use it for my business.

But if there's one thing I learn over and over is that there is a proper time and place for it, and there is a proper time and place for there to be a break from it. It encourages you to get out of your shell, communicate face to face, and grow. It can deepen your connection with your spouse, and maybe you'll find something new you both love doing together!

So, set a time, ditch the screens, and find something fun to do together! Trust me, there's lots of fun to be had as a married couple. Just think on it a little bit!

Do you currently have any time that you and your spouse unplug from technology? What works for you? 

Dreaming With Your Spouse

Today was one of those days that was like a deep breath in and a deep sigh out. A day for writing, laughing, lounging, rocking on a porch and talking about dreams and goals. My husband and I typically have one day off entirely together, and today was that day.

I absolutely love the conversations that we have. While we were in the car driving today, he put up with and answered silly questions that come to my mind like "if you could live in any historical era, what would it be?" and "if you could visit any ancient civilization, what would it be?". We actually had some great discussion from it.

Perhaps one of my favorite topics of discussion though is dreaming and goal setting. I am a goal person for sure. At the beginning of the week, month and year I create lists, dreams and goals that I want to accomplish. All you have to do is come over to our apartment and you'll see them plastered on the fridge and on the walls.

Today was one of those days that my husband and I sat out on a porch, the cool summer breeze blowing by as the clouds rumored of a storm. We rocked in the classical southern rocking chairs, and we talked about our dreams and goals together.

Where we see ourselves in the next two years, what we want to accomplish, who we want to help, how we want to bless others, what we will be doing, and so on. Now, I am the first to tell you that God is in the business of the unexpected. I know that my plans and dreams are fully in his hands, and I will accept his guidance.

But I also think that it's important to always be moving forward with a goal in mind. I am so thankful for a husband who is willing to sit down and set goals with me, and ask me what we want our goals to be. If you have never set goals with your spouse, I would really encourage you to try. It doesn't have to be huge, in fact, it can just start small.

Here are a few questions that my husband and I regularly ask each other to hear each other's hearts, and to set and track our goals for the future.

1. What's one thing I can do to love you better this week?

2. What's one goal that you want to accomplish together this month?

3. What's one tangible thing I can do this week that will show my love for you?

4. What do you see for the next year for us? 

5. What's one thing you want to do together in the next six months?

These are just some basic questions that we ask each other. Our answers change and vary. They can be as simple as having the other write a note or give an extra hug to show our love and appreciation. Our goals can vary from paying something off to taking a hike at a place we've been talking about.

Dreaming together and building your lives together is so important. And communication about those topics creates intimacy. I really encourage you to ask just one question and both answer it for each other. See each other's hearts and set a goal that you can both push for together.

What are some of your big dreams? Share one below!