Friday, February 6, 2015

Marriage Tip #11

I know that I just had a blog post with a marriage tip, but after some quiet time this morning my heart was just so on fire with this topic that I had to share it with you! This tip specifically goes out to my fellow wives out there, but it can be a learning point for you husbands, as well.

This marriage tip comes from a passage in the Bible, Ephesians 5:33, to be exact.

"Neverthless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband."

This is a powerful passage in the Bible, and Ephesians 5 packs some punches and doesn't mince words. This passage and concept is absolutely under fire in our culture today. Our view of the definition of "love" and "submit" and "respect" has become incredibly skewed, marred, and tainted by the dark negativity of the world.

A lot of people look at this passage and cringe, thinking that it means women are "less than" men. That is a whole other topic that I won't get into today, but I will say that that is not what this passage is saying. I am well aware of the brokenness of so many relationships these days where women are treated less than, abused and not loved. But today I want to focus on one key point this passage makes, because it is something that I personally am learning and growing in.

My tip is this...wives, respect your husband.

Now, I really encourage you to read the whole passage of Ephesians 5, because you will see that it is filled with so much goodness. It talks about the roles of husbands and wives, equal, with different roles, as God intended it because he created us differently.

In several marriage talks I have heard, a main theme is that women crave love from men, and men crave respect for women. This speaks to the fact that God created us differently. Our drive and motivation is different, and that is not a bad thing, it's just different, and we both have to meet each other in the middle.

Men are called to love their wives, wives are called to respect their husbands. Because God knows the deepest desires of our hearts, especially in relationship.

Now, here's my take on it and what I'm personally learning, and a little bit of vulnerability!

I absolutely respect Zach, with all of my heart. And I try to verbally remind him of that often. Because I do. I think he is an incredible man, full of integrity, he loves me, and he honors the Lord, among thousands of other qualities that make him who he is.

What God convicted me of today, is that sometimes my actions do not line up with or show that respect. And even though my heart is in the right place, my actions are being disrespectful of Zach and who he is.

Some things I wrote when this came to mind:

"Respect the way Zach does things, even if it is not how I would do it."
"Respect his way of processing."
"Respect how he drives, and know that his motivation is always to keep me safe."
"Respect the time he needs for himself."

Just a few simple things, but they hit me in profound ways. I'll let you in on a little insight, a lot of our disagreements happen when we are tackling a project together, or when we are driving together. That's where the first three convictions came from.

I am a classic backseat driver, unfortunately. I'm not sure why I even am like that, but regrettably, I am. Thankfully, I have gotten a lot better than I was at first, but those moments still come up and I have to ask forgiveness a lot for back seat driving.

And when we try to handle a task together, like filling out paper, grocery shop, or put something together, we both have different methods of how we would do that. And, you guessed it, that can cause us to butt heads sometimes, and I know that I have had to apologize for that a lot as well.

It boils down to one thing, just like how we do things differently, or process differently. We are two separate people, coming into a relationship as one. We both process differently (I am a verbal processor, he is an internal processor). I am very details oriented, and he is big picture oriented. So when we say work on a project together, or a task, we may have different approaches. And sometimes, I try to hammer my point home to be "right."

Wow. I know that I am not the only one who does this out there. I think as women, a lot of us may struggle with that because it's control, and giving up control can be difficult.

But, it has been put on my heart that I need to show my respect by respecting that fact that Zach and allow that to be okay. To surrender control, and know that Zach has my best interests in mind, because he is also submitting to the Lord.

So, my challenge to you wives out there. Look in your heart and examine what ways your actions may not be showing respect to your husband. They may be subtle things that don't outright scream "disrespect." And husbands and wives, I challenge you to lovingly have a conversation on respect. Husbands, how do you feel respect, and when do you feel disrespected? Also, ask your wives how you can love her better!

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