Wednesday, January 7, 2015

Marriage Tip #7

Be intentional.

In a culture where technology abounds, smart phones are owned by six year olds, and there is something scheduled for almost every second of the day, being intentional can be hard. It can be hard to say "no" to good things, pause, and spend time with those we love. Our culture is fast paced, and moving even faster.

Something that I have written on my daily goal list is to spend intentional, quality face to face time with Zach every day. I intentionally put my phone on vibrate, flip it upside down, put it in another room, close the computer, and just BE with him. It could be something as simple as just cuddling together on the couch, playing a game of Scrabble, going on a coffee date, or taking a trip to one of our favorite store to window shop.

But there is something incredibly freeing and wonderful about being intentional with the one you love. It allows you to truly see your spouse. Not just to be in the same room or at the same table with them while you scroll through Facebook or Instagram.

Be in your life. Be in your relationship with your spouse. Find the things you love to do together, and protect that time above all else.

For Zach and I another way that we make sure that our intentional time happens is that we plan a date day every week, and take turns planning the date. Again, they could be simple, or more elaborate. The point is to study each other, get to know one another (yes, even after you are married), and talk with each other. Have fun together!

Something else that we are establishing this year for our marriage goals is to have one "intentional day" a month for the other spouse. What this looks like for us is this, the month where Zach has his "intentional day," he chooses something for both of us to do together that he loves to do. I may or may not like it as much as he does, but the point is that we are intentionally doing it together. For him, that might mean taking me shopping with him at a store that I wouldn't go to normally, but I go with him and enjoy it intentionally with him.

For my intentional day that might look like me picking out a project for us to do together or doing something crafty together. That probably would not be something that Zach would just pick up and do on his own, but he is intentionally doing it with me, and we are spending that time together, which is the most important factor.

Figure out what being intentional looks like for your marriage relationship, and write down your plan. Don't just leave it hanging up in the air to maybe happen in the future. Write it down, mark it in your calendar in pen, and set aside that time intentionally to be together. It's absolutely worth the investment you make into one another and into your marriage.

So, let me hear from you. How do you spend time intentionally with your spouse?

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