Marriage Tip #1

As Zach and I approach our one year wedding anniversary this December, I wanted to touch on a few “marriage tips” that we have picked up on and noticed help our marriage grow. Each tip is something that is near and dear to our hearts, and we want to share it with you in case it will help in your own relationship!

And even if you are not married, these tips can be taken into your relationships with those close to you, too! Life is all about relationships, and building them, growing them, and making them stronger.

Our first tip for you is this…

Always be sure to compliment each other.

In a world where we are constantly bombarded with negative news, negative media, negative comments, remarks, and situations, life can start to look pretty glum. It is easy to compare ourselves to others, to look at social media and compare our lives, and feel bad about ourselves. It is easy to notice the flaws in ourselves, and even each other.

But something that is incredibly simple, and incredibly powerful, is a compliment. I mean, don’t you feel good when someone lifts you up and compliments you? When someone notices your hair cut, new pair of shoes, the good job you did on your project at work, when you cooked a special meal…doesn’t it feel great to be appreciated and recognized?

Now just think about how powerful that appreciation and recognition is coming from the person you are closest and most intimate with in your life. To know that you did a good job and they are proud of you is a powerful thing and can push you on to grow yourself.

Zach and I have made it a habit to every night before bed, tell each other one compliment from that day. And our response to the other person can only be “thank you.”

In our culture, it can actually be hard to verbally take a compliment. In our head, we might be saying “thank you” and really appreciate it, but with our mouths we say “oh that was nothing, really…I could have done better.” We have a hard time taking a compliment.

Think about just with women. When you compliment another woman on say, her earrings, she may say, “Oh these? Oh I just threw them on. I got them at Target.” We recognize the compliment, but it can be hard for us to RECEIVE a compliment. We can feel awkward about it.

But you know what? DON’T. Compliments and words of affirmation are powerful, and have the ability to build us up in a way that can give us inspiration to reach higher in our goals and in our lives. Don’t be afraid of it puffing the other person up, freely give compliments with genuine love and sincerity. Take time to study your spouse, notice those subtleties, and point them out with praise!

You never know what it could mean to that person.

So, our challenge to you is this. Make it a goal to compliment each other every day for the next week! It doesn’t have to be at a set time like us, but make a commitment to intentionally compliment each other once a day for a week, and see what happens. Zach and I initially made it our goal to compliment each other for one month, but we just haven’t stopped since then!

Let me hear from you- is it hard for you to receive a compliment, or give compliments?

Tips From a Recent Bride

About this time last year, I was neck deep in wedding planning. Actually, it was just around the first week in October last year that Zach and I decided to change our wedding date…to five months sooner.

Our original plan was to be married on May 17, 2014. A year long engagement. While we both love Christmas, and had wanted a Christmas wedding, we didn’t know if we could plan the wedding in seven months and save what we wanted, and we didn’t want over a year long engagement.

By the time October of last year rolled around, we had almost all of our details in place for the wedding, and things were rolling along. But we both kept talking about “oh wouldn’t it be nice to have a Christmas wedding though?” “Our venue would look so pretty at Christmas.” And then of course I can’t count how many times Zach suggested we just go to the courthouse and get married and start our lives together. I have to admit, I was tempted.

But, one fateful day in October, we decided that yes, we were going to have a Christmas wedding after all, and we were going to be married on December 15, 2013. Just over two months away.

Most people would be sent into a spiral of stress, but I actually thrive under that sort of pressure, and my mind was swirling with great DIY ideas. We re-ordered our invitations and I got to work on all our favors, bouquets, signs, boutonnieres, centerpieces, and addressing the envelopes. We did all the planning ourselves, and I definitely learned some great tricks along the way.

There are quite a few people that are newly engaged or about to be married, or will be engaged and married soon, so I thought I would pass on some of these tips to you!

DON’T STRESS. That is my biggest piece of life. Keep perspective. Yes, a wedding is a wonderful day and joyous event. But it is one day of your life. Don’t stress the little things, because you are about to start your life together with your best friend! Don’t sweat the small stuff!

Have a budget. Absolutely have a budget. Have it in your mind, and have it written on paper. When you tack the word “wedding” onto anything, the price tends to go sky high.

Shop around!  With that being said on specific “wedding” items, don’t be afraid to shop around! Get outside of the specific wedding aisles at Michael’s and Hobby Lobby and look around the store! Want a basket for your flower girl? You can probably find one just as cute in the kid section of the store….for a fraction of the price. Anything that is specifically marked as wedding is going to be a higher priced item. But the good news is you can find those items elsewhere, and for cheaper!

Don’t try to do it all. With Pinteest you can find yourself lost in a thousand great ideas and want them all incorporated at your wedding. Realistically, that’s just not possible. I’m sure someone could do it, but it might be disastrous and would probably cause you more of a headache than you need.

Ask your venue what they have! We saved a ton of money on centerpieces and decoration because the venue we used had a bunch of stuff they let us use for free! It never hurts to ask!

Take time off of wedding planning and talking about the wedding. Set aside a “wedding planning free zone” in your week. Whether it’s an hour, or a whole day, for your sanity and your future spouses, take the time to just be together and enjoy each other without talking about the guest list, the flowers, the cake, etc. etc. etc.

DIY projects. Now, I wouldn’t necessarily recommend DIYing everything in your wedding, unless you really want to. We did a lot, but I love doing that kind of stuff and it doesn’t stress me out. Pick one or two things to “Do It Yourself.” You could do your own favors, or place cards or signs. Get your wedding party in on the fun and have them help you!

Do keep a folder with all of your important documents and information in it, and keep it in one place! Get your tuxedo confirmations in there, your important receipts and contracts, guest list, etc. in an accordion folder or a binder. This will help you know where everything is, and ensure that you have all you need in one go.

Prepare for MARRIAGE- you know, the whole reason for the wedding? So many people go into marriage without every really doing anything to prepare for it. We prepare so much for one day- for the wedding day. But it is just that- a day. Marriage is for the rest of your life. Invest some time into pre-marital counseling, or reading a book together, or learning something new together. You’re about to spend the rest of your life with this person, and it’s important to prepare for that life.

There you have just a few of the tips that I have from wedding planning. I could go on for a while I am sure. But I think really the biggest thing is to not stress.

Something will probably go wrong your wedding day most likely. My heel broke right before I left the room to walk down the aisle. The poor coordinator was more upset about it than I was. Honestly, at that point, I didn’t care what was on my feet, as long as I got to walk down that aisle and see Zach and marry that precious man, I was just fine.

Take a deep breath, enjoy the season of engagement, and remember that a wedding is just a decorated doorway into your whole life together.

How Men and Women Think

Recently my husband and I watched a video clip by a pastor who was talking about the differences between men’s brains and women’s brains. Now, of course, we all know that we are different. We know that men tend to act and think one way, and women tend to act and think another way. Subconsciously we know that. But I have found that even though we know that, we still expect the opposite sex to act and think the way we do.

At least that is what I have found in our first year of marriage. Thankfully we have been able to work through these differences and laugh about the times that we have gotten worked up over it. It’s a lesson that I’m still learning and trying to understand.

Take a few minutes and watch the clip that we saw “The Tale of Two Brains.” The pastor is really funny, and presents the information in a way that just made me go “YES! EXACTLY!” to everything he said about women’s brains, and made Zach say yes about all he said in regards to men’s brains.

Whether or not you are married, this is an important lesson to grasp on, because we all deal with people of the opposite sex. But this is especially key in marriage, in communicating and understanding our spouses.

The thing that I have the hardest time understanding is the “nothing box.” As a woman, and as a creative mind, I tend to be thinking about everything. And like he said, it’s all connected. It’s normal for me, and it doesn’t stress me out. It’s just how it is. And on the flip side, that is hard for my husband to understand- that I could always be thinking about something.

Honestly, it makes me laugh. God created us so uniquely as men and women. In marriage, you notice the differences more drastically, and it forces you to take on the selflessness of Christ and love your spouse and work to understand them.

Zach and I have both said that one thing marriage exposes is selfishness. It is a constant, daily battle to lay down our own right and agenda and be selfless. Do we always get it right? No. Do we strive to do better than the day before? Absolutely.

Being different is not a bad thing. God gave us differences on purpose, and really, we complement one another. If you take away anything from this, hear this- don’t try to fight to change the other to your way of thinking as a man or a woman. Instead, be selfless and learn to see things through their eyes and be understanding.

Work together. God has intended for us to be a team, so find a way to act like it. It’s hard, but it’s worth it!

Now let’s hear what your favorite part of the clip was! What was surprising to you?